(Ed note: Translated from the Cattish by Thunder Gonzalez-Singer, Ph.C, Dean of the School of Hoomish - Cattish Studies, New York Cattiversary.)
I suppose you're all wondering why I gathered you here (I always wanted to say that). If you’re reading this, I have left the building. The following is the obituary I prepared in advance – I obviously couldn’t trust the Hooms I live(d) with to get it right -- I got my buddy Thunder to translate it into Hoomish and instructed my First Hoom to post it here because I like a nice layout, and Facebook just doesn't have the capability. Probably a Hoom made that Facething up, amirite? So Stupid. Anyhow.
May 24, 2014
New Jersey native Fiona T. Cattington, lately of Manhattan, passed away on Friday, May 23. Miss Cattington was born on the Ides of March, 1998 and is survived by Kathryn Allyn, who is not her real mom and can’t tell her what to do, and Samuel Lloyd Kinsey, who served as adopted father and Alternate Food Guy, as well as her babies, Pookie, Ugly and Pulmonary Jones.
Miss Cattington was the most intelligent and adventurous of her clan. Mere days after her birth under the derelict school bus in the side yard of Assumption-All Saints Parish Church on Jersey City's Pacific Avenue, she understood that the life of a feral colonist was no life for her and, indeed, was total bullcrap. She made her way to the street where, admittedly cold and hungry but in no way reduced in circumstances, she was noticed by passer-by Kathryn Allyn. That chilly April morning, Cattington first deployed what would become her social signature: her charms. Powerless before pink lips, green eyes and ridiculously over-long whiskers, Allyn would serve as a loyal and useful minion, particularly when it was cold, or loud and scary outside. Cattington lived (exhibiting heroic patience) with Allyn in Jersey City until their move to Manhattan in 2006 to live with Mr. Kinsey, who’s ok.
Many will remember Cattington for her sparkling wit and provocative artworks. Her bon mots and short works of prose earned her the moniker The Oscar Wildecat of the Hoomternet, while her sculptures in hairball are widely admired and represent the bulk of a prolific output. It’s nevertheless true, however, that most noteworthy among her works is the series “Mouse, Deconstructed” (I-VI; 1999-2013). Utilizing both audio and visual components with the artist’s process accomplished in real time, the pieces are ultimately presented in relief. What her public may not know is that Cattington was a noted philanthropist. Her charitable efforts, in addition to recycling area vermin for use in her art, included sharing her bed with the Hooms and allowing them to provide her with warms, as well as helping them to identify and remove the weak threads in the furniture.
Like many of the greats who came before, her artistry and philanthropy went unappreciated during her lifetime; she often was heard to remark that the Hooms would be sorry when she was gone. Judging by the outpouring of grief on the hoomternet, the tolling of church bells in New York City, the nation’s flags at half-mast and CNN and Al-Jazeera reports of world-wide garment-rending, it would seem that she was correct. Again.
Right again, Hooms; right again. See you on the other side. I'll keep a bite waiting for you.
Ed. Note: Nobody ever called her The Oscar Wildecat of the Hoomternet.
She tried to make that a thing, but. Didn't happen.