Pop Quiz: Just in Case You Weren't Depressed Enough This Election Cycle.
I am a Republican and a Unitarian. I’m a graduate Yale College and of Cincinnati Law School, and a member of the Ohio Bar. In my career, I was an Assistant Prosecutor, a Chaired professor at Yale Law School, a Professor of Constitutional Law, and President of the American Bar Association.
I was a Superior Court Judge, Chief Justice for United States Court of Appeals, Solicitor General of the United States, and Chief Justice of the United States Supreme Court. I wrote the Opinion for the Court in 256 cases. I was Governor-General of the Philippines, Civil Governor of Cuba, Acting Secretary of State, and Secretary of War. I supervised the beginning of construction on the Panama Canal. I negotiated personally with Pope Leo XIII for lands in the Philippines owned by the Church and effected the sale of those lands to the Filipinos on easy terms. I declined a first offer to sit on the Supreme Court, when native Filipino groups requested I remain in Manila as Governor-General.
I engaged in one of the bitterest political battles of the 20th century, when I embarked on a campaign against major players in my party, including Theodore Roosevelt, to assure the independence of the judiciary, which Roosevelt denounced. In the ensuing election, our disagreement split the Republican vote and gave the presidency to the Democrat. In that election I won only eight electoral votes, making it the single worst defeat for a President seeking re-election. Having lost that battle, I remained proud of winning the war for the courts, keeping them sacrosanct and independent.
I WAS PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. FOR EXTRA POINTS… AM I ELECTABLE TODAY? IF NOT, WHY NOT?
In closing, we are doomed.